"Hate" Used to Mean Something

Dear World:

Can't we stop all the hate?! Please, open your hearts and minds. I'm tired of my rights being ignored and violated. I won't stand for it anymore! Here are a few of my demands:

I want to be considered a minor. The current definition is too narrow (bigots!). Why shouldn't I get movie discounts, have my parents blamed for my crimes, and only have easy homework? Stop the hate!! Age equality for all!

If I can't be considered a minor, then I should be able to call myself (and be recognized legally as) a senior citizen. That way I can retire and enjoy my pension now, sleep in, get discounts for my meals, and receive social security. Stop the hate!! Still waiting for age equality.

And why must I be considered a male? The definition of female should be expanded to include me! Why shouldn't I be able to enter a women's locker room, or try out for the field hockey team, or get to enjoy couches in public restrooms? Stop the hate!! Gender (and bathroom) equality for all!

I would also like my dog to be considered a child. That way I can take him into any store or restaurant I please, get an extra deduction on my taxes, and send him to school when the long summer months come to an end. Stop the hate!! Species equality for all!

I also think ping pong should be considered tennis. I might actually have a chance against some of those hot shot tennis pros at Wimbledon if they play my game. Why should I be excluded? Tennis is defined too narrowly. Stop the hate!! Racket equality for all!

Hopefully one of these days society can eliminate hatred by ending discrimination and by being inclusive of everyone. We should just love one another and to not judge. Stop trying to control my life--I'm not hurting anyone! Please, can't we all just get along?

Ah, the power of "hate."